we were met bright and early by Mr. Anh the agency's regular driver and a pretty young thing that was doing her first job as a translator. Phuong is an English student in nearby Da Nang University and did her very best to keep up with us fast talking Americans. They offered to take us on a tour of Hoi An which is on the way to Tam Ky. Of course we did not want to go on any side trips, but politely went along. once there they asked if we wanted to shop... noooo, thank you, (cam gon) let's go to baby centre please. we did ask however, if they could stop somewhere and help us buy some fruit for the kids. when we first pulled up to the fruit vendor the first thing that hits you is the smell. it is very strong in certain places and the fruit seller's stand was a toughie for me. I kept pointing at fruit and Phuong would giggle and say No For Children. she and Mr Ahn inspected each piece and negotiated the price for us. We came away with two huge boxes of fruit -- enough for several days of treats for the kids.
We headed back on the road, where i kept pleading with Mr. Anh, more AC please, very hot. Jeff and i were both getting pretty queasy so we decide to take a 1/2 tab of dramamine each. I'd heard plenty of stories about this tortuous road, but believe me, i underestimated the effect, coupled with the heat, smells and ever present swerving traffic. So, to make a short point of it, let's just say i had an excellent opportunity to inspect the ground at the same time being acutely aware of a renegade chicken charging my way and it's crazy woman owner on hot pursuit of it. but i did feel better afterward : )
Finally we arrived at the orphanage, or center as they say. First you'll see a sign, and then you'll drive down a narrow road with a ditch running alongside it -- and then you're THERE. as we approached the center, one of the "lookout" kids spotted us and called to the others. before we had gotten out of the car, all the kids were crowding the entryway. We walked down the short corridor, and i instantly spotted Kieu on the far side of the playroom. Emotions? shock, awe, amazement, incredulity, surprise... every raw emotion you can think of. I turned to Jeff and cried out, There's Kieu!!! the tears were not far behind. I approached her and it absolutely floored me how tiny she was. Really! i knew she was going to be small but she was beyond small. She was a tiny shrunken down version of an adorable pouty faced moppet. we looked for Chieu and the kids pointed us to the showers. he emerged minutes later. they were bathing our kids and putting on the jammies i sent in a care package a while ago. Chieu stepped out, none too happy with the goings on. they tried pushing the kids to us. and we quickly mimed, No, no. it's okay... we're okay.. we'll wait. then they whisked Kieu off for her shower and the wearing of "Me" and "Ba's" jammy gifts. I still couldn't get over how small they were so i checked the tags on the outfits i had bought them. sure enough i wasn't dreaming. Emma is a comfortable size 12 mos and David is 3t. i say comfortable as in it'll be months before these clothes are too small. now remember, Emma will be 3 soon and David is 5. so when i say small. that is beyond an underestimation. but they looked perfectly proportionate and just so damned cute!
We all stood around, with these two ridiculous Americans weeping and pointing and staring -- taking photos and video of every little grimace, groan or other feelings of childish displeasure. all the children and nannies are also standing there staring and we quickly realized this much attention is very uncomfortable for the kids. so we ask if we can bring in the fruit. (we have enough good sense not to also bring in the toys as that would have been asking for trouble) the nannies line up all the kids in rows and they hand each child a piece of fruit. they all stood there at strict attention, not moving or eating their coveted little treat. they wheeled in an adorable little girl who can not speak or walk. they give her a piece of fruit too. Chieu and Kieu get several pieces each, which while I'm sure they were happy for, brought on more envious stares from the kids. as if on command they all start eating their goodies and soon enough the bigger kids wander off and we're no longer as interesting to the crowd. we try our utter best to make contact with our kids but they want to eat their fruit and not have anything to do with us. Chieu was handed a baggie full of fruit and as he closely guarded it, he allowed me the eminent pleasure of peeling a small green orange for him. oopps big mistake. before i knew what was happening, virtually every child was on top of me, each pleading for a tiny wedge of orange. i did my best to give Chieu one piece and looking for the smallest hands in sight, tried to give the youngest kids a wedge. Not long after, a piece of fruit fell to the grown and the older kids all gang piled the tiny little munchkin at the bottom of the heap. the nannies, who brook no misbehavior, shouted out Khomg (No) and the kids scattered far and wide. Chieu and Kieu looked pretty miserable, so Jeff and i walked off to give them some space. I ended up talking to the nannies, whom i just loved so much. you can tell how much they all love and adore their pint size charges. each taking time to tell me about the special child they loved so much that is now in America. i hand one of the nannies a special gift from a little boy back home, and seeing the pictures inside she started crying. which of course made me cry. then we were all crying! she held the pix to her heart and you can tell how touched she was. another nanny/biomom tells me about the child she gave up and would i help her locate the family. we managed to exchange enough info so that i get the last known address, and promise her i will do everything i can to find them. I tell her it is my honor to help her. more crying... Meanwhile Jeff is sitting on the floor completely under the spell of the little girl that can't speak or walk. She has worked her arm thru the metal crib bars and is touching him and giggling. I can see how overcome Jeff is by her. He's just playing and playing with her and talking to her -- and this is not Jeff for you folks that don't know him. he's not a goo goo ga ga kind of guy! his eyes are all watery and he keeps saying how cute and sweet she is. the nannies tell us she's to be adopted soon. you can just see the huge wave of relief come over him. Really i was thinking we were going to have to change our paperwork to say adopting 3 kids!
while all this hysterical weeping is going on the kids are off in the next room having lunch. our kids nanny is feeding our two. i try to offer Kieu a few spoonfuls, but she won't take it from me. so i give over the duties back to the nanny, waiting for the day Emma looks to me for all her needs and comforts. Jeff breaks out the video camera and soon he has a small tribe of kids climbing all over him. Men are huge hits with the kids. i think they see so few, and probably even less white men. Jeff beams at me from across the way. he has managed to get Chieu to sit on his lap -- the lure of the video camera playback was too great for Chieu to hold back any longer. I have the digital camera and all the kids are posing and running up to me. they love to have their pictures taken and will giggle madly when you show them the display.
After lunch is nap time. all the kids take a 2 hour nap from 12n to 2pm. many of the kids are sprawled out on the floor, others on the bed -- which is a large wooden frame with a thin straw like mat across it. we find our kids room and see they are cuddled together. the nannies tell us how much they love each other, how close they are and how sweet they are. there is so much affection between Chieu and Kieu, even in their sleep, Kieu reaches out and holds onto Chieu by his t-shirt.
We figure this is a good time to bring in the donations and nanny gifts. we wheel in the suitcase which the Asst Director asks us to take to her office. she promises to evenly divide up the toys later on. We pile all the goods up and then i start showing her the OTC meds we brought. I had someone translate the purpose of each item, so when i showed her the large bottles of Gold Bond powder she instantly smiled and said Yes Yes, they used to have this and like very much. (i cursed myself for only bringing two bottles!) the creams: anti itch and neosporin, were of less interest to her. but when we showed her the two 10 packs of Dial Soap and explained they were antibacterial, she smiled broadly again and thanked us profusely. so tips to fellow travelers, Gold Bond Powder and antibacterial soaps. skip any creams -- too sticky.
we brought out the nanny gifts and when she saw i had a few bags, asked if i had something for all the nannies? all 17, in this shift alone. gawd how awful did i feel. she was not saying this is a judgmental way, i think she was surprised we had any gifts at all. she let me give our nanny the special gift bag i had made for her, but she gave each of the nannies one gift from the other 5 bags i brought. i thought that was nice, everyone got one little something. I will tell you the cheapy $1 necklaces went over great!!! I made another big mistake, when knowing better, i gave both the director and asst director, bath gifts. they dont' take baths, showers only, and fragrant as they might be, the oils and lotions were more a mystery, then a delight to her. she asked, rather shyly, if i could tell her what they were for. i explained, bath oil, lotion, gel... she looked at me oddly. Phuong did her best to save the situation by suggestion it was maybe soap??? uhhh, kinda icky sticky for that.... too embarrassed to face her, i smiled and said yes yes... okay good.
I used this time to ask the nannies my long list of questions. turns out our nanny is the second nanny the kids have had. i can tell our nanny has not formed any bond with our kids, but that's okay, she has good info on what they like to eat, etc. The very sweet asst director comes over and i decide to take slight advantage of the situation. i begin to ask her to tell me when the kids came to the center (jan 5th), their birthdays (we're still not convinced they could be 3 and 5) and if they came with any possessions. Just the clothes on their back. i gulp.. would there be any chance.. i mean could i ask for.. will they allow.. can i have those clothes? the clothes they were wearing when they first came here. she tells me yes, on Tuesday.. i can't believe my incredible good luck. next thing she's off and back again. she went and found their clothes. she hands them to me, all folded so nice and neat. this tiny little stack of clothes. i try as hard as i can not to start weeping. I'm so overcome by holding their tiny garments, i clutch them and look at Jeff. these are their clothes, i whisper. i thank her and put them away. i know i can't hold them without bawling my eyes out.
it's hot. man hot does not even BEGIN to describe it. so knowing the kids are down for two hours we decide to go to lunch. i observed the lack of big restaurants and remember the stories of massive food poisoning, contamination.. i urge our driver and translator to go Special Special. Our treat. We celebrate. Nice Nice yes yes? they discuss this and you know the dialogue was something like okay what do these yankees eat? i dunno, something weird i bet. so first stop is a slightly larger scale pho shop. i cast a sideways glance at Jeff. uh oh.... the driver pulls up and chatter between him and Phuong, then he pulls away. Phuong asks if we eat chicken and rice? yes yes!!! chicken and rice very good. so off we go to this fairly nice looking restaurant. and guess what. there's nice chilly lovely AC! our companions are wonderfully considerate of us, they bark orders at the staff. turn up the AC, close the doors, bring us food and drinks. we're served a glass of ice and a can of cola. Jeff and i look at each other, we try as inconspicuously as possible to drink directly from the can. the food comes -- i have to say to my great delight the chicken is smothered in onion. Oh Yeah! this is my out. let's face it, after yakking it up as the roadside barfer, i was not about to eat anything that would cause a reprise of that unpleasant experience. so i stick to the rice. rice good? yes yes i say! As Jeff wrote, they ordered us a variety of "chicken" dishes including the one described as "from close to the heart". Jeff -- (and i give the non exotic food, vegetable abhorring man, major kudos) tried it. our driver Mr. Anh would deftly pick choice cuts of meat using his chopsticks - the ends that don't go in your mouth -- good hygiene, yes yes? and would plop piece after piece into Jeff's bowl. he "helped me" to one piece but after making a show of trying it, he asked Jeff why i only eat rice? Jeff reminds him.. roadside.. icky grossness? oh yes! the subject is dropped.
After lunch we head back to the center, and we peak in on our sleeping babies. Chieu and Kieu are slowly waking from their nap. Chieu is caressing Kieu and wiping the sweaty hair from her face. OMG i almost cry out. Jeff, quick look at this. Now I've been told that our kids are very loving and affectionate towards each other. but this about put me into a weeping spasm like no other. you can feel the deep love they have for each other. clearly these babes of ours knew love at one time. the bond they have is so strong and incredible. Jeff and i look at each other. he chokes out a simple Thank God we're adopting them both.
Once all the sleepy heads wake from their nap, we decided to get the few toys we had put aside for our kids. the moment i gave Chieu the soft, cuddly stuffed cow, he instantly grabbed it and held it close. I gave Kieu a stuffed lamb and a small teething ring. She looked at her stash, more confused then anything. We, and all the kids and all the nannies, stood and watched as Chieu and Kieu came to realize these were toys. Chieu starts to hug the wall and walk away a bit, but i can see the hint of a first smile. It's almost like he's trying to contain his emotions -- probably cause he doesn't want the bigger kids to take his new soft and cuddly. Trying to get away from all the gawing and gaping people around them, they head over to a bench to check out their new loot. then we saw the first sign of a real smile. Jeff and i sighed... okay they're feeling better now about all this. so we slowly crept our way towards them. i started with the old Oops i have your brother's shoe on your foot game, followed by: Can't Catch This routine, which they seemed to find hilarious. From here on it was much better. they let us get close to them and they def wanted us to play with them -- well entertain them!
Not before long we started a came of toss the toys. First Emma throws the toy at me and when i throw it back, I'm surprised to see what a great catcher she is (clearly she does not get this from her mother the klutz) then David and Jeff join us and we have a 4 way toy toss. it's really surreal in so many ways as you're trying really hard to be in the moment but you see all the sad and curious stares from the older kids. Almost like you're performing a show and you don't know how the critics will rate you. About this time Chieu and Kieu -- which we found out is pronounced gee-yooo, not kee yooo, were getting used to the attention. Chieu, the obvious leader of the two, got bored with this game, so that led to Chase my baby sister around the entire center and try to karate kick her -- he was also clearly not trying to actually kick her to our great delight. They would stop, look at us, see that our rapt attention was still on them, then switch and Emma would chase David and air kick him. it really was a huge riot and they giggled and laughed, the whole time looking back to make sure we were watching them. At one point we threw caution to the wind and managed to pick up both kids. Jeff had Emma and I had David and we played Who can go higher. There was a point where David grabbed Emma and i thought, okay no fighting, but instead he held her and they began nuzzling each other. they wrapped their arms around each other's head while we held them in our arms. okay... so can you just picture how Jeff and I just stood there all wobbly in the knees?
The rest of the afternoon, pretty much consisted of them playing and us trying to slowly win our way into their good graces. they were okay with us being near -- not too close, but near was okay. We decided to leave on a high note and said it was time to go. All the kids raced out to the front for all the byes byes!!! i didn't want to leave with the word GoodBye being the last thing they heard from us. So i asked Phuong how to say See You Later. At first she just smiled and kept walking. but i insisted. I wanted my kids not to hear goodbye from me, but I'll see you later. so Phuong said it for me, and we both kept calling it out to the kids. they looked rather quizzically at us. either because i was, as typical, butchering their poor language. or maybe they had come to believe we were really just going to leave. I remember Chieu and I staring at each other and saying the words over and over to him. I wanted him to know we would be back to take them home with us.
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