well, so here goes the truth. i'm so freaked out right now. not about the trip. that'll be fine. i've traveled plenty and know i can make do with just about whatever comes at me. i'm terrified about the actual, no going back, this is it folks, reality of the situation. it's one thing to intellectually accept the change in my life, but it's a whole other matter to actually go thru it. i worry about all those new mom things, will i know what i'm doing (nope) will i make mistakes (yeppers) will i freak out and want to run away (absoluteamente!) i worry about our kids and how they will adjust. will they have to endure racial slurs. will they ever feel like they fit in? will they always wonder about the family and life they left behind? it's all going thru my head right now, and what i wouldn't give for a kind voice to reassure me it'll be okay. i'm so scared and so excited and so worried and so... okay you get the picture. i have to thank all the incredible folks i've met thru this adoption journey. i know i could never have managed this alone. there are a lot of great folks out there, some home already with their kids, some waiting to know who their child is. it's a great community and often feeling like i was a single parent in this journey, without them, i would not have survived.
we leave in just about 24 hours from now. my life will be different. wow will it be different! i can't wait to see David and Emma for the very first time. i wish more then anything to sneak a little hug out of them. that will be torture to be so close but prohibited from any invasion of their personal space. while i'm sure complete strangers can walk in and they'd be all too happy to play and hug with, well we're not complete strangers, we're some odd and different folks that have to be observed and critiqued. so im picturing my little two pint sized munchkinlanders, looking us up and saying: "So you're our parents?"
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