THE KIDS ARE OURS!!!

While I'm on the phone with the coordinator on Thursday (this is back on March 29th) she tells me, OH BTW, she has video of the kids. No, she's telling me she has video of them while SHE'S WATCHING IT!!! Ohhh she sighs, they're so cute. Ohhh look they're playing with another little girl. Ohhh, they looks so sweet. arghhahahh.... i WANT to see these videos now. I NEED to see these videos NOW... now please now, now, now!!! she promises to send me the video clips that night. "I promise, I will not leave the office until i get this out to you tonight." i spend the rest of the day glued to my computer. I do not eat. i do not venture off.. i am glued... glued glued glued. nothing comes. Friday comes and goes. nothing comes. I spend the entire weekend in a tizzy.... my brain is here no it's there.. nope try again, it's up there somewhere. i keep staring at their pictures. is this for real? is this really going to happen? I'm caught between extreme confidence, "Heck there is just NO WAY, they'd give these kids to another family, and flailing self doubt, "OMG what if they give our kids to another family!?" I'm useless... pure survival mode. breath girl, just breath.

Monday I impatiently call the agency... Okay any news?  she apologizes. Thursday was crazy busy. Friday she was out of the office... my neck is straining from the need to keep control... don't worry.... you will see these videos.... okay this turns out to be a very good conversation... see what happens when i behave myself!

First she says she will send the video pronto. I get two!!! she even waits to make sure the first transmission goes thru. Secondly she tells me the program director is out sick. But she's expected either tomorrow or by Wednesday. Then she tells me they are going to make their decision this week. Either tomorrow or the next day... whenever the director comes in... ooohhhh breath girl breath... you're in the home stretch now... it's going to be fine...

I instantly call Jeff and say we got the videos. i ask him when he's coming home. (I had promised not to see them without him) he tells me early maybe 4ish.. ohh okay i whimper and whine... i remind him how the coord oohed and ahhed when she saw the video. Jeff checks his schedule.. hmmm he doesn't have anything until 2pm. I'm on my way home now! (see i told you he was hooked!)

Jeff rushes home and we're floored. no one can say their hearts filled with more love and pride and admiration and joy and happiness then the two of us at that moment. we watch, rewind, watch again, rewind again. over and over.. they are by far the most beautiful and precious children we've ever seen. In the video our little dude is sitting beside a little girl. He wrestles a huge teddy bear from her (now be nice young man) he turns and briefly looks at the camera with the most amazing, incredible, gorgeous, happy, victorious smile you've ever seen. Ah Ha, his eyes and smile say, "i got the big soft funny looking thing! now what exactly is it?" as he pokes it's eyes in question.

The nanny is feeding the kids. Just look how she caresses our little pumpkin's face as she feeds her. oh what love. Just look at our little girl. She is so tiny! so itty bitty teeny weeny tiny! and look at that curly  brown hair! Oh look at our little boy. my what a big appetite he has. chew young man, don't swallow all that food at once! Jeff and i are in mommy and daddy heaven. these are our kids. there is no question in the world. surely no one could feel so much love as we do for them. they are ours.. please please please ms agency person.... tell me you agree?

APRIL 3RD. Tuesday morning.... on a hunch, i leave a message with the agency saying where they can reach me every moment of the day.... I'm leaving nothing to chance. I wait all day... feverishly checking my emails, my phone messages. Around 3:30 I get a call on my cell phone. it's her!!!!! it's the coord. oh wait... she's serious.. no no no.. this is not good. she starts to tell me the director did come in today and they had a meeting. click... WHAT!!!! hello? HELLO? HELLO!!????? the cell lights up again. damn it, it barely garbles out half a ring. It's DEAD!!! I frantically try to send her an email. I'm here, I'm home what did you say? but i can't for the life of me find her email address!!! the house phone rings once. it's dead too... damn these conspirators! the house phone rings again.  i take the stairs two at a time.. hard to do with spiral stairs, btw... i slide across the bed and lunge for the phone. I'M HERE I SHOUT. don't hang up... i can hear the coordinator doing her best not to laugh. i tell her.. huff huhff.. my phones.. hufff hufff.. they all died.. pfuhh phfhhh but.. I'm... here.... WHAT DID YOU SAY? she asks me to tell her how much i heard. I heard it's you and there was a meeting!!! that's all..

well she slowly tells me the details of how there was a meeting today. how they sat down to discuss these kids.. how they talked about who would be the family best suited to adopt them. (if it wasn't for the fact that i was so out of breath, i think i would have just stopped breathing by now...) she winds it up with the news we had been dying to hear:

THE KIDS ARE OURS. THEY ARE OURS... WE GOT THE REFERRAL FOR THE KIDS... THESE KIDS WILL BE OURS. WE'RE GOING TO BE A MOMMY AND A DADDY!